It's been a month since you decided to leave me. I've been struggling.  I've been fighting and I still want you.  I want what we had when we first started.  I miss the subtle touching of the small of my back.  I miss you meeting me in the stairwell to kiss me.  I miss the way you looked at me. I miss what we had.  I know now we wont ever get that again.  You've changed.  And you wanted me to change with you but I didn't.  I stayed the same girl who wants to see the world and talk to everyone in it.  You want to focus on your retirement and I want to find people that take up arms to fight for what they believe in.  I miss you, but I'm beginning to miss me more.  You were my savior, you saved me from something horrible and I want you back, I want us back, but I don't want what we left it as.  You were right to end it, what we had was horrible.  But we could get back to being amazing.  However, I think our definitions of amazing are different.  We want different things now.  And that's hard for me to grasp because we were incredible.  And I miss that.  I miss us on Cathay.  I miss us in Fiji.  I miss the us I remember.